The Newlywed Game – By Katie Adamchick

As one of Jaime and Chris’ close friends, I thought it would be fun to conduct this very informative interview.  Besides being the epitome of hard-hitting journalism, I wanted to give everyone a sense of Jaime and Chris’ personality OUTSIDE of the blog (ie. how they act around their friends) and give you a glimpse into their relationship.  The best way I can see to do this is the newlywed game!  A game made famous in the 70s, by asking spouses to answer questions and trying to match the answers, this game seemed like the perfect outlet to provide important information about this couple, as well as get to the bottom of some questions I know you were all dying to hear the answers for.

I had Jaime and Chris over on Thursday, March 22nd, whereupon I separated Jaime and Chris and asked them a series of questions.  They then came back together to go over the answers, to see if they matched up.  Also there was my husband, Dave Adamchick.  His presence can attest to the validity of these answers.  The following is a direct transcript of our conversation, which I recorded.  These are their stories…*cue Law and Order soundtrack*

* * * *

Katie: So Chris we’re going to get started.  You have to…what you have to do is answer the questions the way you think Jaime would answer them, because you want your answers to match up.

Chris: Okay…poop….

K: Riiight….Which of the following breakfast cereals best describe what Jaime’s family thought of you when they first met you: Just Right, Oatmeal Squares, Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms or Fruit Loops?

C: Fruit Loops

K: Alright, if Jaime could choose one thing of yours to get rid of, what would that be?

C: Like an item?

K: Yeah, like an item that you own, that she would want to get rid of….do you have something that she hates?

C: Probably, I just don’t know what it is!…..Pass.

K: What? No! Take a guess!

C: I’ll come back to it!!

K: Oh my God…fine, okay. How would you complete this sentence: Jaime is a natural born _________?

C: Umm…reader?

K: Okaaaaay, she was born reading, huh?

C: Well the first thing that popped into my head was killer.

K: Oh yeah, that’s good.  Okay, when Jaime says, “Hey they’re playing our song,” what song is she referring to?

C: ………..this is a discussion we’re having right now for the wedding.  Potentially a Jason Mraz song…I’m Yours.  I think that’s what she would say.

K: Okay. Complete this sentence: I knew I found the love of my life when she ______________.

C: …..

K: WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU LOVED HER?

C: Oh, this is me now!  Before I was answering what she would say!

K: Yeah well, when would she say you fell in love with her?

C: I’d have to say when we went apple picking.

K: Okay.

C: That’s just a random time to choose.

Dave: These are the worst questions I’ve ever heard.

C: It’s like, ‘three days, after our second Halloween.’

K: *Laughing* Maybe, I don’t know! …If your wife…er…Jaime –

C: If ‘my Jaime’…

K: Yeah, if your Jaime could be any cartoon character, who would she be?

C: ……

K: Cartoons…think Disney!

C: I’m thinking!…How about the Little Mermaid?

K: Why?

C: How about Mrs. Potts?

K: *Laughing*

C: How about Lumiere?….How about Finding Nemo‘s mom?

K: She dies!

C: Oh oh!

K: She dies in like the first five minutes of the movie!  Don’t say that answer either!

C: She’s heroic!

K: Ohh yeah, she’s heroic!….Terrible…Complete the sentence: A perfect wife is one who ___________ *laughing*

C: Loves you.

K: That’s it huh?

C: Makes a mean sandwich!

K: Ohhhhhh

D: Good answers!

K: What would Jaime consider was the nicest gift you gave her…besides the engagement ring?

C: Oh!  I’m trying to remember all the gifts I’ve given her…I’m bad at remembering things.  Oh! I thought of something for that thing she wants me to get rid of.  The pile of wine bottles I have in the apartment.

K: Okaaaaay, that seems fair.

C: I would say The Game of Thrones four book set.

K: Okay.

C: It’s a recent one.

K: Okay, let’s call Jaime! JAIIIIMEE!!!

* * * * *

K: Okay, so…question one.  What were your first thoughts…wait, how do I phrase this?  What were Chris’ first thoughts when he met you?

Jaime: When he met me he had a girlfriend.

K: Oh, seriously?  I didn’t know that.

J: Yup.

K: Okay, so what did you think he thought of you?

J: I think he probably thought I was really angry.

K: Really?  Okaaaay, interesting.  What would you say Chris would say is…what his favorite hobby is?

J: Internet.

K: Surfing the Internet?

J: Yeah.

K: What would you say Chris’ favorite meal is?

J: Hot dogs with lasagna on them.

K: Ew…

J: I don’t think I’m going to answer any of these the way he would…

K: Good plan! *laughing*

J: I mean I’m trying, but….*laughing* these aren’t things we discuss normally.

K: Alright, you have to complete the following sentence: The perfect husband is someone who ________.

J: Cooks…dinner…

K: Okay…What would Chris say is your favorite outfit?

J: Naked.

K: Naked, okay…*laughing* Interesting…Okay, fill in the blanks: Chris may be the world’s best __________, but he’s the world’s worst ________?

J: Maybe the world’s best cook, but the world’s worst cleaner?

K: Good! Let’s do one more question.  What would Chris say you should do during a zombie apocalypse?

J: *laughing* Find Dave.

K: That’s it??!  Just find Dave?  I feel like you have to give more than that, because any readers are going to be like, ‘huh’?

J: Okay…can I say ‘find our zombie slayer friend, Dave’?

K: Okay, sure.

J: And follow him to Ottawa, to live on his parents’ property.  Or like…what did he say he was going to create….a…..a colony? We’ll have a colony.

K: Okay, “form colony”.  People are going to be like, ‘that’s special’…Alright, good!  I don’t want to ask anything too risque.

J: Wait, can I say “form a colony and repopulate the earth”?

K: Okay…with little zombie-hunting children.  Let’s just call him in…oh no, here: Where was your first date?

J: Umm…at a “Phe” place…

K: A what??

J: “Phe”. P-H-O

K: Oh a PHO place. I was like, “What the f— is ‘phe’?

J: It’s called Phe-

K: No, it’s not!

J: Yes, it issss

K: No, it’s not! Ask any person that works at one of the “PHE” places!

J: Ask any person that’s from Vietnam!

K: OKAAAAY COME BACK CHRIS!

* * * *

K: Okay…

C: Poop

J: *laughing*

K: *laughing* I’m including all of this you know. Everything you say…

J: You should type that in there. Say, “I would just like everyone to know that as soon as I hit record the first things Jaime and Chris said were ‘poop, ass, fart'”.

K: Okay, so…these are the questions that Chris answered, so Jaime your answers have to match Chris’ answers.

C: For the most part.

K: Which of the following breakfast cereals best describe what your family thought of Chris when they first met him? Just Right, Oatmeal Squares, Frosted Flakes, Lucky Charms or Fruit Loops?

J: hmm….that is a tough decision.

C: I answered what I thought you would answer.

J: But, I don’t know if you thought I would be serious or silly.

C: It’s…not about you?

K: *laughing* Stop making this about YOU Jaime! GOD, it’s not like you’re getting married or anything!

J: Okay, my answer is “Just Right”.

K: Wrong!

C: Eghh *buzzer noise*

J: Lucky Charms?

K: Fruit Loops!

J: Fruit Loops?

K: Cause he’s all loopy!

J: No, the first time they met you –

C: That time was stupid. We both had boyfriends…and girlfriends!

K: Let’s continue.  If your wife…I mean, if Jaime….I mean Jaime, please answer this question. If you could choose one thing of Chris’ to get rid of, what would it be?

C: Like, possessions!

J: Yeah.

K: What were you thinking?? Personality traits?

C: That superfluous third nipple?

*Collective laughing*

C: I had to pass on this one and come back later.

J: Empty boxes?

K: Close, he said his empty wine bottles.

C: Right??? Anything empty.  If I own it and it’s empty, Jaime wants to get rid of it.  That’s what we’ve learned.

J: Just, things traditionally you would recycle or throw in the garbage, he likes to keep it.

K: What, like a hoarder?

C: Like my collection of newspapers from the 90s??  Like, what the hell?

*More laughter*

K: Do we have to sign you up for that TLC show?

D: You just need a path through your apartment.

J: Well, whenever he buys a new piece of technology, he keeps the box.

C: It’s important to do!!

K: ALRIGHT!  How would Chris complete the sentence?  My wife is a natural born…

J: Killer…

K: Augh! That’s actually what he said at first.

J: Natural born….neat freak?

K: Wrong.

J: What did he say?

K: Reader.  Even though no one is born with the ability to read.

J: No, I was born holding a book.

C: Ask her mom!

K: Jaime, when you say, “Honey, they’re playing our song” what song are you referring to?

J: I’m Yours, Jason Mraz.

K: Ohhhh ding, ding, ding! You got that right! You actually got one right!

C: We can’t use it in our wedding though because a really good friend of mine used it in his.

J: We might have to use a new Jason Mraz song.

K: How about you use…Be Our Guest, from Beauty and the Beast?

*Laughter*

K: Or like…

C: *singing* “I can show you the world…”

K: Aladdin!

C: Or “Prince Ali, fabulous he…” I don’t really know the words.

J: I know someone who did “Can You Feel the Love Tonight”

K: Lion King?  Okay, when did Chris first realize that he loved you?

J: Hmm…..He didn’t tell me for awhile, but I’m going to say he first realized it when I took him apple picking.

K: Ohhhhhhhh you said that!  That’s hilarious.

C: Yeah and I was saying that it was like three days after Halloween.

J: Yeaaaah…

K: Wow, you guys are weird and specific.  I don’t know when I realized I loved Dave…I’m still not sure I do! *laughing*

C: Big question mark on that one!

D: Ditto!

K: Hey! Awwww!!!…What cartoon character would Chris say that you are?  This is funny.

J: Ummm…

C: This one also took me awhile.

J: Cartoon characters are so much more uni-directional and people are multi-faceted.

K: Just choose one.  I’m going to give you a hint. Disney!

C: That’s no good.

K: That’s a really good hint!  There are a lot of friggin’ cartoon characters!

J: I was going to guess Daffy Duck, but that’s off the table now.

K: Daffy Duck?!?

C: Scrooge McDuck!

J: I want another hint!

K: No! No more hints!

J: Ahhhh….I can’t think of any right now.

C: I’ll give you a hint.  It’s NOT Finding Nemo’s mom!

*laughter*

J: Umm…I can’t think of any.

C: Is there any more? Can you go and come back?

K: Yeah, we can go and come back. What would Chris say is ahh…..is a trait that makes the perfect wife? Like, a perfect wife does….

C: The perfect wife is…

K: No, not ‘is’.

C: So you’re not taking the first part of my answer?

K: No, I took both parts, they just shouldn’t begin with the word ‘is’.

J: Cleans the bathroom?

K: No. He said “loves you”

J: Awwww…

K: …and makes a mean sandwich.

J: *laughing* Aughhh

K: What was the nicest gift Chris ever gave you, besides your engagement ring?

J: *laughing* Well he gave me the paintings you did.

C: That was excellent. Yeah, except they’re in a box somewhere.

K: WTF??

J: We have no wall space!

C: Should we tell her?

K: Are you going to keep guessing?

J: This necklace.

C: Oh yeah, crap!

K: Still wrong. He said the Game of Thrones four book set.

J: That was a good gift!

K: You want to go back to the cartoon character?  Okay, just name one!  Who’s your favorite Disney character, GO!

J: Cinderella!

K: Wrong, EHH!  The Little Mermaid.

J: I was going to say that!

C: Then why didn’t you??

K: Well you didn’t, so you lose!  Other answers were Mrs. Potts and Lumiere.

*laughing*

C: And Finding Nemo’s mom.

K: Alright, off topic!  Next set of questions…When Chris first…when you first met Jaime, what did you think that she thought…no wait, what did you think of her?

C: Angry??

K: Oh my God!  What the hell were you doing?

C: She was in her terrible relationship.

K: And you were just angry?

C: Upset…

K: What would Jaime say is your hobby?

C: Computers.  Computer games.

K: Sort of…Internet.  What would Jaime say is your favorite food?

C: Pizza.

K: Ehhh.

C: Damn.

J: Oh yeah, that’s a good answer.

K: She said hot dogs with lasagna!

C: Oh yeah, that is good. Even though I’ve never had it, because Jaime won’t let me!

*laughing*

K: Alright. She’s writing this about you Chris. Chris may be the best _____, but he’s also the worst _______?

C: Best….boyfriend/husband?

K: More specific.

C: Okay. This one I’m not going to get.

K: What are you good at??!

C: Computers.  She didn’t say that.  Guitar?  I like wine?

K: You like wine?  World’s best drinker?

C: Worst at cleaning?

K: Yes!  She said cooks.  Best cook, worst cleaner.  What would you say is Jaime’s favourite outfit?

J: No, it’s what is his favorite outfit for me.  At least that’s how I was answering it.

C: Nothing.

K: Ahhh got it!  Okay, what would you say that Jaime would say you would do, during a zombie apocalypse?

C: Find Dave.

*laughing*

K: Yes, and I said she had to expand on that more.  If someone is reading this answer, they need to know more than “find Dave”.

C: Find Dave Adamchick?

K: *sarcastically* Oh okay.

C: We’ll put a link to Dave Adamchick’s Facebook Profile.

K: Dave you need a Zombie Apocalypse website!  Well Jaime said to find Dave and follow him to make a colony and repopulate the earth.

C: Wow!  Well, I don’t know about repopulate the earth, that’s a pretty tall order!

K: We’d have to deliver each others’ babies?

J: Ugh!

C: Just live out our days until we grow old and die…or turn into zombies!

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